Jam menunjukkan sudah hampir jam 3 pagi. Suasana malam yang sejuk itu menyebabkan Stephanie berselubung dalam selimut. Meskipun keadaan sebegitu amat selesa apatah lagi nyaman untuk berlayar dialam mimpi, tidak bagi Stephanie. Fikirannya melayang mengingati perbualannya dengan Leo. Lelaki berkacukan Cina Australia itu berupaya mendesak Stephanie supaya mengingati masa lampau nya itu. 

 " Come on Stephanie, Dont  you remember anything that happens to you when you were 6 years old? Anything.... Remember who your family, or something that brings in your childhood" pujuk Leo. 

  Kemudian Stephanie membalas dengan gelengan kepala seraya berkata " Dont talk nonsense! My family is here. I was born here! I cant remember my childhood because my dad told me when I was 7 years old, our house burned and I accidentally lost my memories since then. 

   " Dont you ever wonder why your face, your slang, look like a Malay, why you can speak Malay and why the name on your identity card Stephanie Abdullah not Stephanie Steward?  balas Leo.

Kenyataan Leo itu menyebabkan Stephanie terdiam dan berfikir sejenak. Ada benar juga ungkapan Leo itu. Walhal selama dia di Australia ini tidak pernah pula bapanya Steward Lim menceritakan soal hal-hal agama. Kehidupannya selama ini ibarat seorang atheist. Tidak pernah sekali pun dalam hidup dia berkatakan tentang tuhan. Malah kehidupannya benar-benar bebas. 

Lamunan Stephanie terhenti apabila jam loncengnya sudah berbunyi menandakan dia harus bersiap-siap kerja. Setelah usai bersarapan, Stephanie menghidupkan enjin keretanya dan beredar tetapi bukan ke tempat kerja, ke rumah Leo. Kelihatan Leo sedang bersantai di halaman rumah memperhatikan Shea anjing peliharaannya berkeliaran di halaman rumah. Kedatangan Stephanie membuatkan Shea berlari menyembunyikan diri. 



 " Listen Leo, I have something to ask you. Its a favor. And I want only both of us know. Please keep it as a secret. " ujar Stephanie.

" Tell me Step, what it is. We known each other for a long time. Is what I said yesterday bothering you? Well, look at you now, your eyebag, pale face. You look really different today" sambut Leo.

Stephanie menarik nafas panjang sambil menceritakan apa yang mengganggu fikirannya semalam. Satu persatu latar belakang dirinya disingkap tetapi tidak pula dia ketemu jawapan yang memuaskan hatinya. Semua gambar-gambar waktu kecilnya dibelek tetapi dia berasa ragu, benarkah gadis kecil didalam gambar itu adalah dirinya. 

" Look, Step. Im telling you this because i felt guilty for you. There is something that i hide from you all of this time, and Im afraid I lost my chance to tell you. Im older than you, I am your father business partner. And I treating you like you are my daughter. The truth is you were muslims. Thats why your name is Stephanie Abdullah. Steward Lim is not your father. "

Sebaik sahaja mendengar kenyataan itu, Stephanie bingkas bangun dan membentak. "Stop it Leo, Im sick hearing lies. " kata Stephanie lalu beredar dari situ.



                                                                                                Bersambung.....

APT 402, an empty house, the lights are off
My body’s like a tunnel, it feels so empty
Night takes over day and it’s not raining but my eyes are wet
Knock knock, I don’t think you’re here, I carefully open the door and go in
I lock the door, click, the sound of letting you go, click
I’m alone in the room called memories that you left
Taking in all the memories you lay around
The one leaving and the one letting go are always different
Two different hearts
What do you know? Stop hurting me with your comfortable lies
Fine, just go, because I loved you
I put you by my side just until you didn’t hurt
Just until you weren’t lonely

It’s bearable, it’s liveable
Because I loved you just until it didn’t hurt
But I still love you
It’s bearable, that’s what I say
But there are words I couldn’t say because of my pride
Let’s not break up
Cuz I still love you
It’s all a lie, I’m fine, it’s all a lie, I’m fine
Even without you

It’s bearable, it’s alright, it’s better than I thought it’d be without you in my life
It wasn’t a nice way to break up but don’t worry, it’s more bearable than it seems
I do the laundry and turn on the TV, I blankly sit at the desk and read a book and eat
You’ve fallen out of my days but nothing’s really changed
I loved you just until you didn’t get hurt
I don’t know how to look at this breakup straight in the eye
So I’m balled up like a porcupine in front of sadness
I’m really trying to pretend to be fine but it hurts
Even after I tried doing everything besides not breathe
Some day, if I ever lose love again, I won’t ever be like this
Don’t think that not getting over you is pathetic
I’ll hurt all I want and cry all I want

It’s bearable, it’s liveable
Because I loved you just until it didn’t hurt
But I still love you
It’s bearable, that’s what I say
But there are words I couldn’t say because of my pride
Let’s not break up
Cuz I still love you
It’s all a lie, I’m fine, it’s all a lie, I’m fine
Even without you
Even without you

We used to measure out our hearts like a protractor
In the end, that’s exactly how much love, exactly how much there was
We couldn’t even become resting places for each other
But were busy trapping each other up
Instead of being a nest, we were a tightly shut garage
Memories were trapped in an empty house that we won’t ever visit again
How are you? I miss you with my whole heart
Love is trapped and I’m locking up the empty house from outside

Can you hear me? Are you there?
I’m sorry I couldn’t hug you more
I’m sorry for being so selfish
In front of our breakup, in front of you
But there are words I couldn’t say because of my pride
Let’s not break up
Cuz I still love you
It’s all a lie, I’m fine, it’s all a lie, I’m fine
Even without you

If only I haven't choose this path, I would never regret. Its the biggest mistake i've made in my life. I am a bad person. I hurt people too. If only I choose to live quietly, then this matter would never come out. For those who get hurt because of me, Im so sorry for being a reckless person in my past. Maybe it's the time for me to black out. Regarding of all those mistake that i had done, I would take all those spitefull words , you can punish me cause im punishing myself too. 

I admitted  that i am a pathetic person in past. 

Only if i given one more chance to rewind back the day where I am given an option to choose my class, i would change my fate. Standing in art class is the biggest torture for myself. Now i realize, they need a person with talent to make art, not a person whom pretend to have talent with her hardwork. Talent is something special given by god. Hardwork is the thing that all human beings can do.That's the different between me and my classmate. At least, they can draw, can paint, all i can only do is holding my pen and studying like ordinary person.

It's finally the time that i can't endure anymore. Im falling. My life is totally a mess right now. The future that I dream, seems so dark. Why it must be me? If people done something wrong at me, they don't get punish but if i had done something wrong, i get punished immediately. There's nothing that I can change now. I had to finish it. 2015 is totally a torturing year for me. Its a punishment for me. But i will keep my promise. Graduate high school and live quietly. 

And for those whom know me, Im sorry for what I may be in future.

I might pretend to be stranger, i might betray you, i might hurt you and i might abandon you but trust me i did that for both of us sake. That's the only way im treating people without giving and taking anything so that there would be no hurt and regret. 

I want to re-consider what i do and what course i take carefully in future. Im doing my best.